Blood & Bandages

Barbershop, originally uploaded by Rigmarole

You can tell it's a manly place as soon as you walk inside. There's a leather couch in the waiting area, and a big jar of Barbicide on the counter. In the place of oversized books with photos of outdated hairstyles, you can find magazines about cars and motorcycles. It's my barber shop, and it's awesome.

I've been going to unisex salons for most of my life. Over the years, I've received my share of bad haircuts. Many people have struggled to tame my naturally curly hair, so when I found a good stylist, I tended to stick with her. I'd been with my previous stylist until she moved several states away and I got a job on the other side of the Twin Cities. Out of necessity, I started to patronize a local barber shop, and now I no longer dread my visits to the chair.

The Art of Manliness argues that every man should go to a barber shop. After a few trips to my new barber, I vowed to never again get my hair cut in a salon. I end up looking great every time, it's a relaxing environment, and my barber works as a part-time fireman besides. How manly can you get?

Resistance

Otpor - Resistance, originally uploaded by Igor Jeremic

I don't believe you can ever truly be "ready" to have children. No amount of reading or instructional DVDs or even taking care of other people's kids can fully prepare you for parenthood. You just have to dive in, and learn as you go.

On the other hand, before we had our baby, I felt about as ready as I'd ever be. In the past two years I had a pair of nieces come into my life, and all my friends were having babies, so I had a good idea of what to expect. I was prepared for sleep deprivation and midnight feedings. I was prepared to change a never-ending stream of diapers, temporarily lose the use of one arm, and try to comfort a baby while she cried for hours. I was not prepared for her to fight me every step of the way.

I try to change my daughter, and she kicks and squirms. I try to give her a bottle, and she spits it out. I try to soothe her, and she screams. She's strong, and whatever I'm trying to do, she loves to resist me. And I love her for it.

I figured out that my fatherhood role is going to be a balancing act. I have to thwart her anarchic drives just enough so that she survives to grow into an independent young woman, but not enough to ever break her spirit. Which I guess makes one more thing that I wasn't prepared for.

Man Cave

wounded beast and workshop (front/side), originally uploaded by Subway eg

I love my family very much, but sometimes a husband needs to escape for a while, to take refuge in a place of his own. A place where he is free to be a man. "The distinguishing feature of the Man Cave," according to the Man Page, "is that it is designed (and decorated) by the man and for the man - basically all of the things that the woman in your life refuses to have in the rest of the house... like a poker table, sports memorabilia, video games, or even a personal keg-o-rator."

I don't have an area like this, and with a newborn in the house I'd never use it, but maybe someday. My ideal space would be an actual cave--or at least a cellar--where I could store a supply of wine and fine beers. I suppose I'd also want a wet bar for serving mixed drinks to visitors. It would be furnished with a few plush armchairs and tasteful artwork.

That's the fantasy, anyway. In reality, I would be quite satisfied with a well-appointed workshop/garage. What's in your man cave?

Freedom

Tango, originally uploaded by Shabok

My sister-in-law is coming over tomorrow to babysit for a couple of hours. Ashley is now five weeks old and this is the first time we will be alone without her. It is a much-appreciated opportunity to relax and reconnect with my wife.

Even though Ashley has been a good baby, the past few weeks have been intense, as I'm sure is the case for any new parents. We're both stressed out, and I miss my wife!

You know what they say, it takes two to tango and three's a crowd. Now it's just the two of us for a little while. We can dance passionately again, or we could go out to eat at a real restaurant, or hang out a bookstore. No matter how we spend the (very brief) time away, I look forward to simply enjoying each others' company like we used to do.

Commandments

my happy place, originally uploaded by pstarr

Do you want to be happy? Gretchen at The Happiness Project recommends practical methods for capturing happiness in daily life. One of these is the concept of personal "commandments," a list of basic, high-level rules that you voluntarily choose to follow. They are, as Gretchen puts it, "precepts that I want to guide my actions and thoughts."

Here are my eight commandments, not necessarily for happiness only, but for life in general:

1. Love God.
2. Love others.
3. Take time to listen.
4. Live now.
5. Calm down.
6. Create.
7. Go outside.
8. Simplify.
   

I might go into more detail on some or all of these in the future. If you think that such a list--or at least the exercise of creating one--might be useful to you, here are six tips for designing your own happiness commandments.

Smiler

7-31-05 Happyface, originally uploaded by Artbandito

She smiled at me!

Of course Ashely had a few baby gas moments that would curl the ends of her lips in a pseudo-grin while her eyes stared vacantly into space. Those were cute, but very brief and random. Then, one day when she was around 3 1/2 weeks old, she started actually smiling at us. For reals. I'm talking eye contact, open mouthed, reactive smiles.

This is something new. Interacting with a newborn isn't very rewarding socially, unless you love the sound of your own voice. Now we're entering the 2-way street of communication.

I'm always happy to see my family after a long day at the office, of course. But now I can come home from work, smile at my daughter, and she smiles back. And that makes all the difference in the world.

Oinker

(.) (.), originally uploaded by theshanghaieye

Our baby is noisy now. Sometimes Ashley makes a sound just like a little piglet rooting around. Although my wife doesn't like comparisons to barnyard animals, I mean it in a good way. I think her grunting is cute. As is the loud slurping when she's sucking on something. The crying and screaming? Not so cute.

She was so quiet at first. Every day, the volume knob is turned a little higher, and she expands her verbal repertoire. This one is my favorite. She gathers all her energy with a noise that sounds like an impending sneeze, but culminates in a belted-out coo. "rrrnnngGUHHH!" All the while with a surprised look on her wide-open eyes.

I doubt there's any conscious intent behind it, and yet, it almost sounds like she's trying to communicate through sheer force of will. Especially when she stares at me like that. Soon enough, little critter, soon enough.