Wake Skills

how she sleeps, originally uploaded by erban

What up, peeps! This is Ashley, come to set things straight around here. I heard my dad was spreading lies and misinformation around about how easy it is to make me nap. Well here's the real poop. All you other babies pay attention, you might learn something; here's how to stay awake despite dad's best efforts:
  1. Thrash. It's not pretty, but it works. Kick, punch, chop, block! If he's foolish enough to put his face within striking distance, rip his glasses off. Show him you mean business right off the bat, with some good old physical resistance.
  2. Tense. If you're getting a bit tired for full-out flailing, or if your dad pins your arms down, it's time for some full-body motion. Arch your back and twist your head around as far as you can. If he's concentrating on just holding you up, he can't focus on putting you to sleep.
  3. Scream. Dad will try to calm you down with soothing noises in a quiet room. Noise is the enemy of sleep! Make as much as possible.
  4. Mumble. Once you're really relaxed, you won't have much energy for screaming or violence. Make some sound anyway.  Shrieking is far better, but grumbling is better than nothing. Be careful though, or you might accidentally mumble yourself to sleep!
  5. Last gasp. OK, here's my secret technique. When I'm just about to drift off, I summon all my energy for one last freakout. Dad thinks I'm more awake than I really am, and sometimes that's enough to make him give up. Except the last few times I tried this, he just kept shushing and bobbling me, and I fell asleep anyway. Crap! I think he's on to me.

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