Consciousness


Morning Burst, originally uploaded by .droog

In my last post, I wrote about my determination to be a better husband and father. That's fine in theory, but what does it actually mean in practice?

The key is living consciously. Rather than sleepwalking through life, as I did more or less for my first three weeks of parenthood, I want to be fully present in the moment, aware of and available to my wife and daughter. I am striving for an intentional marriage.

Dr. Corey Allan expounds on this concept over at the Simple Marriage Project. One of the key points is that children benefit from a strong marriage, which is why I'm focused on maintaining a healthy relationship with my wife right now. When the baby seems to demand all of our attention, it's important to remember that we need to take care of each other, as well.

Family


HoodPANsm, originally uploaded by design_ski

What is the most important thing in your life? We each have a mental ranking of personal priorities that may not match up with the way we actually live. The evidence is in our actions. Am I behaving in a way that's consistent with my goals, or is what I do in opposition to what I believe?

The funny thing is that it's obvious to others where my priorities lie... the hard part is to figure it out for myself. In order to do this, I have to examine my life with detachment. I need to figure out, objectively, first what my goals are; second, whether my day-to-day activity is moving me closer to or further away from those goals; and third, what must change in order to bring my life in line with my stated goals. (I'm sure I learned how to do this from Zen Habits.)

I bring this up because I had a revelation. I would say that my primary responsibility is to my wife and child, but do my actions always show this? They might say otherwise. (At least my wife could tell you now; Ashley will tell her therapist in twenty years.) So I made a resolution--which I'm sharing publicly to give it some weight--to renew my commitment to be a good husband and a great, savvy dad.

What's the deal with...


Elmo Loves You!, originally uploaded by Sofia Katariina

Why do they print images of cartoon characters on newborn diapers? The baby obviously doesn't care. It's all the same to her whether she poops on Elmo or Dora (or directly on her parents--but that's another story).

Does a tiny picture of a muppet's face signify "quality" to diaper-buying parents? Or are we just being primed to recognize these characters, so that we will more readily accept them when our children are old enough to know the difference, and begin to insist on branded merchandise? You decide!

Advent


early morning, originally uploaded by hkvam

In the months BC (Before Child), I was focused completely on the upcoming birth. It so fully dominated my attention, in fact, that I developed sort of a tunnel vision obscuring any thoughts of life beyond labor and delivery. Now that I'm able to look back on that milestone, I can look forward to the future once more.

My brains were scrambled in the wake of the arrival. I think I did an acceptable job of taking care of my family, but I wasn't good for much else. I was basically floating along in a new-dad funk until I had an epiphany yesterday. Our baby has been around for three weeks already, I have a to-do list a mile long, and I had might as well get on with living again.

Choose life!

Reflections


A cottage treaure is the view..., originally uploaded by **Mary**

It's been three weeks now since our daughter "Ashley" was born, and my priorities shifted again. Just like last time, I have been so awestruck that I don't really know what to say. Having a baby is a profound experience. I am so busy living it, that I am having trouble observing and unpacking it.

But I need to get this down for posterity. Otherwise I know I'll regret it later. While in Japan, I lived fully in the moment, at the expense of journalling. Then I got home and within a couple of weeks started wishing I had kept better records. "Did I visit that temple? What was the name of the train I rode every day? I think I remember how to cook okonomiyaki..."

I'd hate to make the same mistake twice. Already our little one is changing, and it's hard to believe it now, but everyone tells me that she will grow up fast. At that time, I want to look back and remember:

  • she was very alert at birth, and looked at everything with wide-open eyes.

  • her cone-head rounded out within a day, leading people to ask if she was a c-section, but

  • she is still rocking a bitchin' baby mullet.

  • when she squeaks, it sounds like air being let out of a balloon.

  • her neck is so strong; she loves to arch her back and bang her head against my chest.

I love her very much. The end.

Penny Arcade: incidental dad talk in the PA podcast


Penny Arcade, originally uploaded by mjp3000

Jerry Holkins and Mike Krahulik (a.k.a. Tycho and Gabe) are probably best known for making the online comic Penny Arcade. What doesn't get much press is that the two men are also parents, both having fathered a child with their respective wives in the past few years.

Obviously there's a reason they don't talk about it much--their comics are mostly about video games, not parenthood--but sometimes their sons come up in conversation. As you might expect from guys who make a living by finding humor in every occasion, they usually say something interesting. On a recent podcast, Jerry recounted the following conversation with his son Eliot:

He began to move his hand in a way as though he had a sword in it, and he said, "daddy," and I said, "yes Eliot," and he said, "what is a weapon?" ... all the while slicing the air with this imaginary blade...

I said, "Eliot, a weapon is a tool, that you can use to hurt someone." Accurate, no information--you know what I'm saying--no contextualization, but that's what it is. "What is a weapon?" Where the fuck did that come from?

Jerry reliably dishes out abstrusity in his blog posts, so it is to be expected that he would have such profound discussions in his daily life as well. On the funny side, Mike wrote this great rant on Lego fruit snacks (scroll down a bit). "I just spent the first three years of my sons life trying to get him not to eat blocks," he says, "and now you're telling him they taste like fucking strawberries. Thanks a lot assholes."

It would be great if these guys could do a great podcast that's just about fatherhood. I might be the only one to listen to it, but I bet it would be awesome.

Don't Panic


freak out, originally uploaded by bunchofpants

Before my daughter was born, I would have said that I felt pretty sanguine and peaceful about the whole deal. As it turned out, there must have been some internal physiological terror that I wasn't aware of, because I had a minor panic attack a few days before labor began.

I was just sitting and watching TV. All of a sudden, my chest felt very tight, and I couldn't breathe for a second. Then I caught my breath, and the constriction gradually faded away.

My wife told me that I had scared her, and warned me not to have another incident during her labor. Out of respect for her, I refrained from having any more involuntary freakouts ever since.